Wednesday, July 15, 2009

These are the times....

that we need to be what we can be. I'm struggling with this. The idea that we have the freedom to do what we want to or what fulfills us. If everyone did this who would be doing the crap jobs. Yet on the other hand why not strive for more.
Right now I'm not doing something horrible and that I's just that I really want to be doing something else. I know what it is finally and I don't have the time while working this job nor the money if I quit. It is more frustration. Ever since I figured this out I've been steadily getting worse physically. Am I internalizing my frustration or is this just a coincidence. I'm steadily not believing in coincidences. Well I used to not believe in them but I attributed them to God. Now I'm not sure what or who but I guess I've never completely let go of something/someone other than me and my fellow humans. Energy, a being, a group of beings, a collective consciousness....????? Whatever it is I'm not sure but even if it is just our collective consciousnesses out there pushing all of us toward our destinies I sense something.
So I guess I can say that I see this all as a sign. I could also say that by internalizing my frustration I've caused the opportunity to reduce my hours at work so I can do what I need to do. Problems the past month or two is that the illness has caused me to get even less done and the second is that the hours are only temporarily reduced. The future good is that I may have realized I can get by, at least temporarily, on less hours. I also may see a more permanent reduction in hours. Which will one give me more time and two give me the impetus to get into gear and make money in more fulfilling ways. So maybe my subconscious just knows better than my conscious mind and is creating what I couldn't consciously make happen....or the universe is leading me to a better place ...or both.

No comments:

Post a Comment