Rural vs Urban

So the blog I've been lost in lately is about a woman who trades big city living to marry a rancher (you probably know the one I'm talking about). It has gotten me thinking about my life long struggle with city vs country living. Suburbia mostly disturbs me. Especially the template housing developments. Small towns are more my cup of tea. Especially if they are at least nearish (hr or at max). Portsmouth, NH and Ithaca, NY are two of my favorites.

I currently live in a small town near two smallish cities and lots of other small towns of various character. There is a movement here to try to make things more interesting but I live on the island part of the town (yeah I live on an island in the middle of a river) that is cut off by a 4 lane road to the downtown area. Downtown would be nice but we have way more storage and its a bit cheaper. When the weather is warmer I can cycle to downtown.

So even though I have sort of have what I desire I still don't own and the small backyard is shared with a family with boys. Very hard to garden with them crashing about. So I'm going to try to get a community garden plot. Yet this is only happening if I don't move away...more about that later.

A meandering garden with roses, herbs and wild flowers. Stone patio area and path with benches and an arbored area with grapes growing. Bamboo and a koi pond. Chickens and a food garden. This is my dream I've had for so long. The older I get the more intangible it seems to be yet the more I want it. Someday..........

Part of me still would love to live out in the middle of nowhere with tons of dogs, cats, horses, etc. Another would love to live in the city and feed off the energy and flow of that magic. If I could have my way I would have a co-op farm/rescue animal place and an apt in the city. Instead I'm settling for an apt in a small town. One does have to make do with what one can. I live close to many people and places I cherish. It is familiar here. I do miss the exploring and every once in awhile I head out again (France in April!). Yet I'm unsettled. The guy I'm with is just a bit off. He's not horrible or anything but after we've been dating and then moved in with each other I've discovered/opened my eyes to things that I just can not deal with in the long run. But that is a topic for a different day.

I love animals and plants and space and trees. I love culture, people, good food and the general pulse of the city. I know how to shit in the woods and piss in the alley. I cherish comfort, home and the familiar. I seek out new things constantly...expanding myself. I'm a torn woman who is slowly learning to integrate herself.