Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I was blessed with 10 grandparents at birth: 6 great-grandparents and 4 grandparents.  All of them gave me love...grandparents are good at that.  They each showed their love in different ways.  I can carry the love and the lessons of their love with me for the rest of my life.  I can also pass them on.  Yet it still hurts to not have them here any more. 

I just lost my last one a few weeks ago.  Growing up she was the grandparent I disliked the most.  She didn't have much patience for us hyper kids.  As I got older we got to know each other better and I realized that even though some of us weren't her "favorites" we still received love from her in her own way.  She lived half decently long but both her parents lived a lot longer.  She was very active and strong.  Embolisms can strike down the best of us.  We all thought she would be around for another 10-20 years. 

So now I walk this world without grandparents.  Its a good thing my mother and I have been patching things up between us.  Yet...there is nothing like grandparents: especially the good ones.  It just feels so empty. 

I can't help but think how lucky my favorite grandmother didn't die last.  I dont' think I could take the double shock of her loss with the complete loss of grandparents.  I had a very very hard time with her death.  I was on meds but I was a complete mess.  I even remember wishing my grandmothers could switch places.  Not that I wanted my mother's mother dead it was just I didn't know how I was going to survive without my dad's mother.  She embodied unconditional love.  I used to spend at least a week with my dad's parents in the summer and I also look a lot like her.  Even now I am sobbing a few years later. 

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